There for You
by xxassassinxx18
Summary: Sometimes the best friend role isn't the role that can satisfy. Warning: ooc-ness and swearing up the wazoo. PruCan with slight UsXUk and hint of GiriPan if you squint and turn your head. USXUK omake to come. maybe. REVIEW PLEASE


AN: It's a miracle! I actually posted! Sorry I haven't for a while, shit refused to let me. BUT GUESS WHO DIDN'T FAIL FRESHMAN YEAR! THAT'S RIGHT! THIS CHICK~! There is some randon tense changes in here. I tried to get em all, but if I missed a few, sorry.

Derpy one shot is friggin long…. I did kinda try…

DON'T OWN HETALIA

I seriously had this sitting around for almost a month and figured I should finish it. And so I did. And I actually left it open for a second chapter that would be kinda an Omake for Alfred and Arthur.

I watched my best friend, and secret crush, paces his room, uniform shirt unbuttoned and phone pressed firmly against his ear with his left hand, other hand holding what looked like a pen. I was in my own room, in the house next door. I sighed as I watched him pace. I knew who was on the phone. The only person who could make him Gilbert agitated enough to start pacing. Liz. She was a nice person to others, I guess, but when you have known her as long as I have, you'd see the spoiled little girl who hides under all the smiles and overall cuteness.

I sigh, getting up off my bed and catch a glance of myself in the mirror on my door. My hair is messed up from being attacked by Kumajiro earlier and I have a scratch on my neck from the same event. I pull off my customary hoodie to reveal the absolute nothing underneath it. I remember forgetting to put on a shirt this morning in my rush to the door. I sighed as I looked in the mirror again. 'Look at yourself, Matthew Williams, for this is the person who will always be second best to Liz.' I flop on the bed, not even bothering to grab a shirt. No one would notice anyways. I pull out my math homework and start the problems. I glance at the window and see that Gilbert has stopped pacing, and hung up the phone, and is staring at something. Something being me. I pull out a piece of paper and write 'What?' on it, not remembering about my current... outfit.

He shakes his head and starts to write something, scribbles it out, and points to his chest instead. I glance down and suddenly remember what I'm wearing, more like lack there of and look back at him. I raise my eyebrows and point at him and he looks down, seeming to remember that he has an open shirt on. Did I mention that it's been extremely cold out lately, even though it's just the end of summer? Well, it has, and I've been loving it. I've always loved the cold, and he knows that, so I'm confused as to why he thinks it's different now. I write, 'Canadian' and draw an arrow pointing to me. He laughs and flashes a thumbs up to me, having the first genuine smile on that I've seen today. He hasn't been himself lately, but I can't blame him. Dating the cheer leading captain cant be an easy job, even if you are a member of the football team yourself. That's right, Gilbert is a jock with a best friend who is forgotten. Life is weird sometimes.

I look at his window and see that he closed the curtains, probably going to sleep.

Gilbert moved into the house next door in about third grade, having moved here from Germany. He has a younger brother named Ludwig and a grandfather named Hans for family, all the rest are either passed away or have disowned them. That's what happens when the person who is supposed to head the family is a homosexual. The only people who didn't disown him were Gilbert's and Ludwig's parents. Their mother had once told them that love is love, no matter who it's between. The boys had taken that to heart, mostly because it was one of the last things she has said to them before she and her husband were in the accident that killed them. Gilbert never once told me if he was bi, and I never asked. It wasn't something you asked your best friend. It was just one of those things you figure out over time with them.

I look up again and am surprised to see a note hanging on the window. I squint at it and finally figure out that it says to meet him at the corner. I sigh and pull my hoodie back on, thinking of a way that I can make up the sleep I am about to miss tonight.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

I quietly stroll down the street, knowing the way well. For the number of times that I'd been down this street in the dark, it's a wonder how my family never found out. It isn't like they are particularly strict, far from it, actually, they just normally notice things that have been going on for, what, six years? Maybe five. I don't remember. I just know it was long enough to probably warrant some attention from a normal family. Or maybe even an abnormal family. Ours is just plain batshit crazy, there is no other way to explain it. There are the twins, Alfred and I, who were polar opposites, him being the Football jock and perfect son while I'm the weirdo who plays hockey and likes anime and is so silent that I might as well not even exist. Then there's Sey. She is probably the biggest slut in the whole school, and I have the um… privilege to call her my half-sister. Our parents are an entirely different story. Mum cant figure out that her kids are hers and dad has… anger issues. We may not sound that screwed up, but you try living in a house with us and you'd see exactly how weird we are.

I reach the corner and find Gilbert already there, with his back turned to me. I'm not the loudest person, okay, I'm almost entirely silent, but Gilbert has always been able to hear me before… maybe he's just distracted. Yeah, that's it. I reach out and tap his shoulder, backing up when he spins and almost hits me.

"Oh, sup, Mattie?" he says, and I know why he call me. He looks fine, but I can hear the he's about to cry. I know that he is falling apart slowly. He always calls me when he feel like he's not Gilbert anymore, or when Liz is being, by definition, a bitch. Most people would see it as he only uses me to keep him himself, and that might be right, but I really didn't mind it. Yeah, that was a lie to you as much as it was to me.

"Nothin much, Gil, I just came to pick up your sorry ass so we can have a little fun. You ready?" I say, knowing that if I try and ask what's wrong, he'll just go home. And as much as I love sleep, I love hanging out with Gilbert more.

"Hey, you're the sorry ass! I was the one who called you here!" he whined, smiling slightly. I watched that smile appear, patting myself on the back for putting it there. When Gil's depressed, there's almost no way to get him to smile, unless you're me.

I roll my eyes, "So, if I'm the sorry ass, what does that make you?" I counter.

"Awesome." He says proudly, then his face falls a bit. "Even if I don't feel so awesome right now…"

I freeze in the middle of stretching. I have no idea what happened, but if this is the product of Liz, I will be pissed. "I know you probably wont want to, but want to talk about it?" I ask, not expecting the answer I get.

"Actually, I do." He says sheepishly.

Yeah, she will die a thousand times over for whatever she's done to make Gilbert like this. It may not seem like such big deal that he wants to talk about his feeling, but if you had known him for as long as I have, you'd see exactly why this were so big. Gilbert rarely talks about his feeling and even more so willingly. "Well, you know I'm always here to listen." I say, meaning it.

Gilbert and I start walking, him telling me about Liz had been a complete bitch today, even going so low as to say that Gilbert's parents didn't love him, then go on to bitch at him about how she could say whatever she wants when he asked her not to say anything about his parents. He continued on to tell me how she had broken up with him on the phone earlier because she wanted to go out with Roderick. He had begged and pleaded with her not to, but she didn't listen.

I listened quietly, happy that she was finally out of Gilbert's life for the time being. The only thing she a had brought to him was anger and pain, and I hated it. she had no right to have such a, for lack of a better word, awesome person if all she was going to do was break him down.

Gilbert's words broke through his thoughts. "So, I was thinking that we could go do something fun to get it off my mind." He finished, casting a side glance at me, checking my reaction. I decided he was in a good enough mood to screw with his head.

"well, what if I don't feel like doing something tonight?" I say, purposefully trying to mess with him. I might have misjudged timing though.

Gilbert's face fell. "I mean, if you don't want to, I can call Francis and Toni, but I was sorta hoping that we could hang…" he said, looking at his feet. Damn Gilbert and his ability to say the things that make my stomach twist!

"Dude, I was kidding, calm your nonexistent tits. What did you feel like doing?" I ask, trying not to go red in the face. It wouldn't matter if I did, we were in between two street lamps and it was dark. "We don't have school tomorrow so we have all night."

Gilbert starts prattling on about 'awesome' stuff we could do, most of which were illegal, and I listen quietly, occasionally adding in suggestions on other things we could do. We eventually end up at a café near the school. It's about nine and there aren't many people there, save for Heracles and Kiku, who took only one table. We sat at a table at the back, having a discussion about who Tohru should have gone with, Yuki or Kyo. I've already read the whole series, so I know who gets together, but he's still reading it, so he doesn't.

"She needs to go with Yuki! Kyo is an ass hole who cant control his temper and doesn't see that she likes him!" he said, making me want to throttle him. He has been pretty much describing his reaction to me the entire argument! It seriously is pissing me off!

"No, she needs to be with Kyo because he would understand her and never let anyone hurt her! Sure, Yuki would understand a bit, but not all of it! Plus, if she went with Yuki, she would get to be one of those people who'e sad all the time." I argue back.

"Whatever! We'll see whose right when we finish the books!" he says and I look down quickly.

"Gil, I told you last week, I've already finished them…" I say as quietly as I dare.

He drops the sugar packets that he had started playing with and stares at me. "No you didn't!" he says a bit too loudly. I hear Heracles and Kiku stop talking, but don't really care.

"Yes I did. I told you at lunch last Friday, you weren't listening I guess…" I say, feeling sorta betrayed. He always used to listen to me before Liz came into the picture. After that, the only time we talked was when we used the signs, he needed to copy my homework or he spent the night at my house. It sorta made me feel unwanted… okay, maybe not just sorta. But you have to know that, before Gilbert, barely anyone even knew I existed. I was always looked over and forgotten because I wasn't the most outgoing person. He made me feel wanted and, in turn, I made him feel needed. We relied on each other since third grade. That builds up a really strong dependence. He never needed me as much as I needed him. He was my first friend.

"No, Matt, I'm sure I would have heard you tell me." Gilbert denies, then adds, "You didn't even sit with us at lunch at all last week…"

A crushing weight lands in my stomach. "I sat with you every day. I was always in my usual place next to you…" I say, hoping that this is some sick joke or a nightmare. "Remember, I let you borrow my chem notes..?"

Gilbert scrunches up his face in concentration. "No, I don't remember you being there." He says. I just stare at him blankly until it sinks in what he said.

"Oh, okay then. How else would I know that Liz and you were fighting on Monday, Tuesday and today but all smiles and kisses all the other days?" I say. I can feel myself getting angry. I stay by his side through everything , listen to him bitch about everything and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, and he cant do me the common curtsy of seeing me? "Gil, I'm getting really tired of you getting a girlfriend and forgetting about me while they're here and then going back to bros over hoes when they're gone. One of these days I wont be here when you want me to be the most. Remember that." I say and stand up, walking away to get our coffee.

XXXXXXXX

I hate this English teacher. She cant teach, yet she expects us to learn, what the heck is wrong with her? I think to myself, pulling my back pack off the floor and slinging it onto my shoulder.

I walk down the halls of Hetalia high, careful to avoid bumping others too much. It's a private school, so everyone is in a uniform, including the people who'd rather not be, like myself. I walk into the gym in time to see the last class leave. Right now is World time, which is when we get a break because we are on a block schedule. Eight extra long classes split up into two days. It's a good way of doing it, in my opinion. Seeing as I have gym next class, and Gilbert has a different girlfriend right now(him and Liz broke up a week ago), I figure I could use the weight room to keep in shape for hockey season. I change and go to doing random sets. The air condition is being worked on, so it's really hot in here. I pull off my tee shirt after a few sets, knowing no one will be in for at least 40 minutes. I continue my workout until I'm lightly covered in sweat. No need to get tired before class starts. I decide to do one more set of Supermans. I have no clue what they really are called, everyone just calls them supermans. Right as I hit 21 of 40, the door opens and I find myself suddenly not alone in the room. I pull myself out from under the bar and find myself face to face with Arthur Kirkland, the sophomore class president.

"Oh, hi Arthur. What brings you here?" I ask politely. He's not really the kind of person to be in a gym, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, he's Alfred's best friend, so he has to be sorta strong to be alive this long.

"Oh, Hello Matthew, I was actually looking for you." He says and I raise an eyebrow at him. He looks uncomfortable so I try to make it easier on him by staying silent. "As you know, Alfred and I have been best friends since I came over from England in the fifth grade. And I know you and Gilbert have been friends longer." I realized that I probably wasn't going to like where this was going. "And, well, I cant help but notice that we're in similar situations." He finishes and I watch as he fidgets, trying to put the pieces of what he gave me together. They don't fit yet.

"And that's supposed to mean…?" I prompt.

"Well, I've been approached by a few people who seem to think that we should both date our best friend and they offered to help get us together." He said and I realize that this is why he waited to find me until we weren't with our respective best friends, when he had seen me earlier when he gave us a ride to school. He was older than us all because he started school a year late.

I thought about what he was saying carefully. "Who is in this group of people?" I finally ask.

"Well, there's Kiku, Heracles, Felix, Toris, a few others … And Liz." He says, the last one a bit reluctantly.

My eyes narrow. "Liz? Why her?"

"Because apparently she has a kind heart and a want for gay porn. So you want their help or not?" he says, suddenly impatient.

I sigh. "Are you going to do this with me? It was your idea, and I really don't want to alone…" I admit.

His cheeks go red and I think he's not going to answer, but he eventually mutters, "Yes."

"Then I'm in." I say, putting the bar away. "Just tell me what I need to do."

He starts to fidget again. "Well, that's the thing… You're not going to like the next part…" he says.

I sigh, thinking of the hoped for end result. This is what I've wanted for a long time. "Try me." I challenge.

XXXXXXXXX

'I can't believe that I actually willingly signed up for this,' I think as I walk down the hall to lunch, hand in hand with my brother's best friend. Apparently we are dating in attempts to make Al and Gil jealous. When I challenged Arthur, he handed me an envelope that had a letter addressed to me from Kiku. It pretty much said that I have to be a happy couple with Arthur for a few days and that the next day, we should meet in the Hidden Staircase on the second floor at world time. We had gone to lunch the next day and been a happy couple, or at least pretended to, making sure that their best friends noticed. At the end of the day, we hung out in the sophomore lounge, acting as couple-y as they knew how. That's right, 'they'. Why do I say that, you ask? Because neither one of us has ever actually been in a relationship that didn't end in 48 hours. Well, I have. I once dated a Russian by the name of Ivan, but he doesn't count because he was... different.

By the time they were leaving, Alfred had almost killed me and Gilbert looked ready to beat some ass because, as he explained it, "That stupid Brit is gonna hurt you Mattie! Just look at those massive eyebrows! They could kill an entire nation themselves! Plus you said you don't even like the guy!" to which I countered that I had said the same thing to Gilbert many times, who hadn't listened, and asked him to kindly shut his face about my BOYFRIEND. Which surprisingly worked for the duration of the walk home.

That night, I kept my curtains shut, as the note had also said to do, only peeking out once to see that Gilbert's curtains were wide open and he was sitting on his bed to where he could see if I opened my curtains. The next morning, Arthur had picked us up, Alfred being banished to the back in favour of me. When we parted ways for class, Arthur had kissed my cheek and I had blushed brightly. The next class passed slowly as I had Gilbert texting me every 5 minutes to make plans for this weekend, which I shot down, saying that I had a date with Arthur this weekend.

That brings us to now, walking down the hall, hand in hand with Arthur, on our way to the place the note had designated. When we got there, there was to be a note taped to the wall that told us what to do next. I was beginning to think this sounded like a game more than for a purpose. With that encouraging thought, I ripped the note off the wall and read it aloud to Arthur.

Arthur and Matt.

Snog your brains out. Then own up to it.

Love,

Your help squad.

I read the note over multiple times, praying that it would miraculously change or stop existing.

But no such luck and he turned to Arthur with a helpless expression.

Arthur gulped. "j-just pretend I'm Gilbert." He said shakily, accent getting thicker with his nerves. "and let me lead."

And that's exactly what I did. He kissed me and I thought of Gil and the time he got drunk at a party and I had to take him to my house. He was a crazy drunk and more than a few times he had randomly started kissing me. And a few times, I kissed back, knowing that the other would remember none of it in the morning. It felt different and there was a difference of how it made me feel, but it worked for the most part.

I lost myself in the memory, not hearing the door open below us or the footsteps climbing the stairs, and Arthur didn't hear them either. Or we did hear them, we just let them play into our fantasies of the others. I only snapped out of it when pair of hands were on my shoulders, ripping me away from the others mouth and my lovely fantasy. I snapped my eyes open and saw Alfred and Arthur standing across from me, Alfred holding Arthur from around his arms, a look of intense pain on his face. The arms that were around me shook slightly. I could feel someone's breath on the back of my neck, hard and measured, as if they were trying to calm themselves down. My face is so hot that I feel like I could get heat exhaustion from it. I know the chest pressed against my back, and I know it way too well for my liking for this particular situation. I see my brother let go of Arthur and the arms holding me are suddenly gone. I turn and my worst nightmare is realized.

There stands Gilbert, breath heaving and eyes accusing. I remember all the times that I had walked in on him kissing a girl. This must have been what my face had looked like. The anger's back.

"What, Gil, I cant even kiss my boyfriend now?" I spit at him. "I've never stopped you and _all_ those girls from snogging right in front of my face, so why cant I have a little fun of my own?" I cant understand what's happening. I've always been the person who feels bad for even stepping on the person who's been beating me up since first grades toe, so why am I like this now? I can feel all their eyes on me. I round on the other pair. "And you, Al! Do you know how long Arthur has had to watch you go through all those girlfriends when all he wants is to be with you? Jesus, you are such an idiot! Just ask him out already! You do it in your dreams enough!" He opens his mouth to counter it, but I cut him off. "Dont even go there. You sleep talk loud enough for people in Texas to hear it!" that shuts him up. "And Arthur, Jesus, Al's an idiot, believe me, I know, sometimes I am ashamed to be twins with him, but you know as well as I do that it wont change and you've accepted it. That's why you went through all this trouble. Just grow a pair and ask him already!" by this point, I've realized that I'm ranting and cut it off before I say something that will give away our plan and the help we got. "You know what? Screw this. I'm going home!" I finish, stomping off down the stairs.

I get all the way down to the second floor and run down the outer stairs. I'm appalled at myself for having reacted like that, but they needed to hear it! Maybe now they'll stop being so stupid and actually give up the act.

The walk home isn't that long and it passes by faster to me because I have a lot on my mind. I know the teacher's will probably get onto me, but I can deal with that. I've always been the one who can get out of trouble easily. My thoughts are mostly on all the things that I could have ruined with that speech. Alfred and Arthur could now be really awkward and not speak to each other again, or they could just forget everything he said and continue to ignore their feelings towards each other. No, I'm more worried about what will happen between Gil and I. Gil has always been the person who cuts himself off from drama. If he gets a dramatic girlfriend, he dumps her. He has a rumor spread about him, he laughs it off and ignores it. This is like one of those times, so I think I might have just killed our friendship.

Before I realize it, I'm at my front door. I pull out my key and head inside, not even bothering to lock it. No one will be home for hours and Al will have forgot his key anyways. I walk through the kitchen and grab an apple from the fridge and a rolled up pancake from this morning. Munching on those, I head upstairs and dump off my backpack in the corner of my room. I flop onto my red and white maple leaf comforter, inhaling the scent of laundry and syrup. Soon, all the thoughts begin to blur and sweet oblivion takes my head.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_purrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~~_

That is my alarm clock at the moment as a soft, furry plume repeatedly hits my right cheek. I reach up to where Kumajiro is laying by my chest to pet him. I blearily open my eyes and jump in surprise.

"Morning sunshine, did the awesome me wake you?" says my red eyed best friend from his place about a centimeter away from my face.

I huff at him and accidentally, or maybe just a bit on purpose, spitting in his face. "Gil, why the heck cant you wake me up like a normal person?" I mutter mock-angrily as I push him away, but on the inside, I'm cheering that he's over at my house and still talking to me.

He backs up after I push him away, pulling up the desk chair to the side of my bed. "Well, you told me not to wake you up, so I technically didn't, Kuma did." he states proudly.

I glare. "If you were anyone except you, I'd hit you." I deadpan, knowing that the look on my face says "You are so lucky."

"Yeah, well, I'm just awesome like that." he says, getting very distracted by his fingernails.

I sit up and scrub my face with my hands, trying to chase the last of the sleep that still has a hold of me away.

"Hey Mat?" I hear and look up to see Gilbert holding my note book I use to write back and forth with him. I dont remember writing to him in the last few days except the 'Canadian' comment. "Matt, what's this?" he asks, turning the open page towards me. I can feel all the blood in my face immediately heat up and I snatch at the notebook.

"Nothing!" I grind out as I come up with an empty hand. He has my note book open to the page I wrote 'I love you' one night. It had been a really bad day and he had cheered me up. And I really do love him.

"Mattie, was this to me?" He asks in a quite, very un-Gilbert like voice.

I quickly dig through my head to come up with a less pathetic answer, but the only thing that I could find to say was, "Maybe..."

"Mattie, look at me." He says and lifts my chin with one finger. "Matt, I have gone through countless girlfriends, kisses, makeout sessions and plenty of other things, but nothing has ever come close to tose times you kissed me after Toni's party."

My face feels as if you could cook an egg on it at the moment, and I immediately look down out of habit. "You weren't supposed to remember that…" I say, slinging my legs over the side of the bed.

He grins at me. "Who wouldn't remember the best moment of their life? Even if I was passed out, I would have remembered that."

"Nice of you to tell me that now." I say. Remembering he's still holding the notebook, I grab at it, still coming up empty handed. "C'mon Gil, give it back."

He begins to flip through it. "No, not until I get to look through it." He singsongs.

I give up for the moment, just happy with the fact that he isn't mad at me. I know he probably wont bring it up, and neither will I. Plus that book is new so it shouldn't have any other unsent ones… I think...

Banishing all thoughts, I pull off my shirt, throwing it onto the pile with all the other laundry. I scrunch up my eye brows as I try to think of what I did with my hoodie. I guess I took it off in my sleep. I catch a glimpse of the clock. 12:33. I reel around to face Gilbert. "Why aren't you in school?" I ask.

He doesn't answer. He doesn't even look up. I pick up a shirt and throw it at him. It lands on his head but he doesn't look up still. Confused, I go over and figure that he's found my random drawings that I do when I'm bored. Not really worrying. "Dude, what's wrong with you?" I say, poking his face. 'Wake up Lady GaGa! Haha, geddit? Poker face! HAHA!"

Gilbert doesn't do anything, he doesn't say anything, he just stares at the notebook. I peek at what he's looking at. It's just a few old pictures that I have taped in there.

The first one is of us at the very first time he spent the night. He's laying on his back looking up at the camera, a bag of gummy peach rings by his head, one hand doing a peace sign as the other reaches out to hold up the camera. I'm on my stomach looking over my shoulder at him, the end of a lollipop sticking out of my mouth. His shirt has a picture of the Millineum Falcon. This was before he hid his nerdy-ness from everyone but me.

The picture next to it is the picture we took after my hockey team took state when we were in fourth grade. We were sitting in a booth, Gilbert's arm slung around me as he made a ridiculous toast about how awesomely I played. I was blushing bright red and sporting a developing black eye, but smiling like a lunatic. It was a fun day.

The last one's different. It's a picture of all of the kids from my eighth grade class together at the end of summer party. We were all grouped together in the light of a bon fire. Gilbert and I were in the middle of the group, him surrounded by his friends Francis and Antonio. I was supposed to have been standing to the side, but right before the person took the picture, Gilbert had the brilliant idea to pull me over to him, so I'm falling onto him as he laughs. Right after that picture was taken, the vicious cycle of dating and breaking up with Liz started. There's also a picture of my mom, who was the spitting image of me.

That still doesn't explain what Gil was looking at. "Gilbert? Hello? You still in there? Come in Starcommand. Do you read me?" I say as I wave a hand in front of his face. He jumps and looks at me.

"Was?" he says, distracted. "Sorry. I was just thinkin."  
I frown at him. "Well, stop it, I'm hungry. Wanna go for pizza?" I ask.

He looks away uncomfortably. "Um… Can't you just cook pancakes?"

"I could." I say. "But that would cost you." I wink.

He looks at the floor, what looks like a bit of red dusting the top of his ears. I frown at him, but before I can comment, he looks up with his usual cocky grin. "Please, bitches go for free when it's to their masters."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "So I'm the bitch in this now? Well, fiiiiiiiine. Guess you don't want pancakes that bad."

His grin warps into horror. "No! Neither of us is a bitch! Pleeeease! I want those pancakes! They are a rival to my awesomeness!"

I laugh and walk out of my room to the kitchen. "Nothing could ever rival your awesomeness." I pull out the pan. "Anything in them?" I shout to him. He usually follows me out right away when pancakes are involved.

He runs in and steals a barstool. "hm…. Can you make the cinnamon ones?" he asks, red eyes doing the begging that will never leave his mouth. He doesn't beg. Ever.

I think about it. "I think we're out…" I comment as I dig through the cabinet.

Gilbert is on his feet in a second. "I'll go get ours!" he shouts and takes off. I shake my head at how little he's changed since we met.

I begin to make the mix, and suddenly, I'm thinking of my mom. I mean my real mom. The one who actually had Alfred and I. Alfred and I went to live with our aunt when we were very small, but one think I remember about her was that she loved to cook. I don't know why, but all the sudden, I feel like crying. Mom was not very good with responsibility, and one day she never came back. I know that she loves us because she'll sometimes send us cards on Christmas and our birthday. It's just hard to know that you were too much for even your own mother to handle. The tears are threatening to come out as I think of her. I blink at them, but they refuse to leave. Blinking is only making them flow. I wipe a them with my sleeve. I thank my stars that Gilbert isn't here. He hates crying people.

There are times in my life when I wonder if there is something about my thoughts that make things happen. Why else would Gilbert walk in the door at the exact moment that I am glad he's not here?

"MATTTTTIE! I got the cinnamon! You'll never believe where West put it! He hid it in the- Are you crying?" yes, something must make these things happen.

"N-no, I'm not Gil." I say, cursing my stutter. I stare out the window as I mix the rest of the batter together and turn on the stove. I don't turn around because I know that Gil will be able to see I'm crying. The tears refuse to stop and I'm careful to make sure none land in the batter. I've gotten really good at continuing with life while crying.

Suddenly, a pale hand reaches out and turns the nob of the stove off. I jump as the very same hand also wraps around my wrist and turns me around. I avoid Gilbert's eyes, choosing instead to inspect his shirt design. The weirdest sensation that it's growing enters my mind before I realize that I'm being pulled closer to Gilbert. I glance at his face and It has the expression of determination that he uses to get through his homework or to win a fight he's in. I smile as he hugs me, grabbing the back of his shirt and burying my face into his shoulder.

"Sorry…" I say. "Just give me a sec, okay?"

He doesn't say anything, just pats my back comfortingly and lets me cry into his shoulder. The only other time he'd see my cry was when Al and I had gotten into a fight and he blamed me for making mom not want us. It's weird. I only cry when my mom is involved. I guess I'm a mama's boy…

I finish crying, hiccupping myself into silence at last.

I become uneasy as I realize that Gilbert hasn't said a word since he asked if I'm okay. I pull away and look at his face. It's completely void of emotion.

"I'm sorry." I say. "I know you hate it when people cry."

He's silent for a minute. "How do you know that?" he asks, still entirely void of emotion. It's starting to scare me.

"I dunno, I guess I just picked up on it…" I say.

He seems to ponder that for a moment. "Matt." He says suddenly. "Who do I admire most in this world?"

My eyebrows knit together. "I'd have to say Old Fritz." I answer. "Why?"

He doesn't answer my question, only asks another. "What's my favorite color?"

"When people ask you, you say red or black, but you really like yellow. But you see it as not a manly color, hence the lie." I answer automatically. "Gilbert, what are you doing?"

"Please Matt, just bear with me." He says.

I nod, though I'm still worried.

"What's the thing that is a surefire way to make me cry?" he says.

I shift my eyes off to the side. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to know this, but I answer. "When someone close to you refuses to let you help them."

His eyes widen and he sinks to the floor. "Matt…" he sighs. "You've known me forever. You know every single embarrassing thing that there is to know about the awesome me. You've always been there, ready to pull me off my sorry ass when I fall and you never once ask for anything." He looks up at me with sad red eyes. "Just this once, tell me what you want, because I know I will never figure it out on my own."

I look at him, the most Awesome thing in my world, begging me to say the thing I told myself was going to die with me, and I couldn't help it. I crouched down in front of him. "I want you to know, and I'm not asking you to say anything or to even remember it, but I just want you to know." I take a breath. "I love you, Gilbert Belischmedit. You and every stupid, unplanned, ridiculous move of asshattery that you have ever done, ever since I met you. I just want you to know. I expect nothing to come out of this. You don't even have to remember it." I sigh and begin to stand, but he grabs my hand and pulls me down to where I land hard on my ass. "Jackass! What was that fo- mmmmmf!"

Reality check. I am on my kitchen floor[check] My ass hurts like a MoFo[check] Gil is practically on top of me[check] Gil is kissing me[WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING]

I swear my eyes are the size of friggin globes. This isn't happening. It cant be. But. It feels so real… internally shrugging and figuring it's some sort of hallucination or dream, I close my eyes and kiss back. Hell, if it's a dream, I might as well enjoy it.

It's better than kissing Arthur. Not as demanding. It's almost as if Gilbert making up his mind as he goes. I smile into it. This is so much better than any dream I've ever had.

All too soon it's over and I feel a small pout pull the corners of my mouth down. I open my eyes and am shocked to see that Gilbert is still there. Does that mean…?

_FUCK_

"Gilbert… please slap me."

His eyebrows scrunch. "What? Why would the awesome me do that?"

"I need to wake up. Now. This is getting way too out of hand. I'll start believing it soon." I say.

Gilbert stared at me for a moment. Then out of nowhere it seemed, my left cheek began to ache. "Believe it yet?" he said, shit eating grin in place.

I process. That… was no figment of my imagination… AWESOME!

"Hey, Matt." Gilbert says, finally getting off of me. "Will you go out with me?"

My jaw almost hits the floor. "You're joking, right?" I ask incredulously. There is no way this is happening.

"No, Matt, this is probably the most serious I've been in a while. I want to go out with you. I have for a while. But I thought you thought I was an idiot and were only my friend out of pity."

"Yes, because the last, what? Seven years? Have been entirely pity for you. Wow, Gil, I thought you knew me better than that. But whatever. Yes, I'll go out with you." I say and he grins until I say, "On one condition."

His face falls. "What is it?"

"Calm down. Will you promise to be my friend, no matter what happens?" I say, staring at his eyes. It's weird, he's the only one I can look in the eyes without feeing inferior.

"Matt, Matt, Matt" he sighs. "It wouldn't be awesome any other way!"


End file.
